What flower blooming at the end of fall and early winter here in our garden?
It is facing our kitchen window and such a pleasure to look at during gloomy weather.
We have mild winter weather which this plant can tolerate.
This year this plants has grown taller and more stems after I pruned it hard early spring.
Some are 3 metres tall.
Our tree dahlia plant caught some disease last end summer with blackish leaves.
I chopped off the parts that were affected.
It grow more stems and recover really quick during the shorter daylight hours.
Bees really adore the tree dahlia bloom.
There are bees constantly around the tree dahlia plant blooming season.
Most of the tree dahlia bloom photo collections that I took has bees on them.
Tree dahlia sometime needs some support.
Some are leaning on our garden arch or other plant support trellis.
At the moment, the plant has block off the garden arch entrance.
I have a small hand, this is how big the tree dahlia bloom is.
The mauve bloom has kind of help me not going over the edge this few weeks.
It has been not easy writing a post not because of time-management.
But my mind is in chaos, I could not focus on anything and have horrible thoughts running on my mind. 2~3 weeks ago, one raining night while everyone sleeping I ran out from the house. I can't control my mind and I was shivering outside not due to the cold because I was very scared that I can't block the strong suicidal thoughts. I was so lost and called the mental health emergencies for professional help. The mental health community team came in immediately early next day and organise everything to help me get through the mental depression I have. Yes, I have been suffering mental depression not weeks for months by myself as professional help said and now it got worse that I start to suffer regular panic anxiety attack as well. So, some event had been a trigger, I broke down mentally and physically after long term stress. It has been lonely battling the stress and depression alone by myself and sad not even your own family realise the emotional stress going inside me. If I tried to voice aloud my feelings or stress, I will only be reprimanded to stop acting childishly and try to be more mature which ended keeping everything bottle up inside. Otherwise, I usually will just be totally ignored or my family runaway from me when I desperately needed help with the children. I finally exhausted myself trying to please and take care of everybody being the perfect daughter, perfect daughter in-law, perfect wife, perfect sister and perfect student. I gave up fulfilling that expectation, no matter how much I put in, I will constantly be criticise by my parents and my in-laws blame me for what ever happened to my kids and husband anyway.
Sigh, life is so funny, never in my dream I would imagine myself sitting with psychiatrists trying to get my thoughts sorted out. I have been told several times that one of the reason is I lack family emotional support. I have been trying taking lots of responsibilities and taking care of everyone which makes me burn out from discussion with mental staff.
I thank all my blog readers for your support and kind comments.
It has helped me a lot getting myself sorted out and giving some of my self-confidence back.
I still have a long way to go for recovery.
I have not been able to go to school or study for more than a month now as it triggers the panic anxiety attack. I can't decide what to do at the moment. My body can't move held by fear and I am mentally exhausted. This time I let strangers giving me a helping hand which lead me the way I can go back to my sanity when family just turn blind eye towards me.
Sorry for a very depressing story, was just trying to open up and be honest.